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paljon onnea paskiainen!!!

September 10, 2008

My thirtieth birthday began the night before with the discovery that our hot water heater was leaking; our living room carpet was soaked, and instead of heading out to the beach for a day of eating, relaxing and enjoying the great weather, I spent it replacing a ruptured pipe and cleaning up all the water. In between these activities, I struggled with many of the complex philosophical dilemmas that have plagued humankind for centuries. Turning thirty has given me a sense of urgency to find a deeper sense of meaning and purpose in the grand cosmic scheme of things, an urgency that I have always felt but which seems to have become more and more eminent with each passing year and the uneasy acceptance of my own mortality.

My ruminations began, as usual, with a few basic observations, e.g., I want to be happy; I want my life to have meaning, or at the very least, to benefit society in some way; I don’t like the thought of dying, etc. Suffice it to say that I didn’t come to any great epiphanies or revelations, but I did think myself into a pretty rotten mood. I guess sponging off a wet carpet isn’t as conducive to finding a deeper sense of meaning and purpose in the grand cosmic scheme of things as it might seem. The next day was spent wondering if I was just wasting my time. Was working eight to nine hours a day for relatively little pay really the best use of the relatively short amount of time I’m allotted on this earth? If not, what else should I be doing?

Tuesday, however, had something better in store for me. While the first half of the day was spent working like the menial laborer I’ve become, finishing up cleaning the house after fate’s wonderful birthday surprise and checking to see if anybody bothered to send me any birthday greetings, the second half was spent in the throes of mindless self-indulgence at the Hawthorne Theater. Annie’s birthday gift to me was, among other things, a ticket to see Finntroll. For one night I said to hell with everything, I drank cheap beer and threw myself into the front of the crowd reveling in Finntroll’s punishing assult of Finnish folk metal. Today, I’m back to the usual brooding, but at least for one night I was raging like a troll hungry for retribution.

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